Mudblood
by TheWarriorQueen
Summary: Lily's thoughts and feelings after Snape calls her a Mudblood. Written for Lady Melody Lily. Oneshot. Complete.


**Lily's feelings after Snape called her a Mudblood. Written for Lady Melody Lily.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Potterverse, nor anything from it. I do not own the Potterverse, nor anything from it. Did it sound any different the second time?**

* * *

It still echoes in my ears. The one thing he'd sworn not to say: "Mudblood."

If I'm honest with myself, as I usually am, our friendship was falling apart before this. He was getting sucked into the whole blood-purity regime, and our arguments became more and more frequent. But he'd promised that no matter what, I was his friend, and so he'd never call me that, call me "Mudblood."

I've been in this place before, wondering if he knows how much his words hurt me. I'm just tired of it, tired of telling myself that tiny things don't end a friendship. It's my childish fear of losing my only friend that binds me to him. But now I'm not the freak Petunia says I am, and I have other friends. Like Alice, who I'm sure would never even think of calling me "Mudblood."

I wish that he'd not tried to apologize. A clean break would have been easier, one way or another, on my heart, if there had to be a break. I walk swiftly through the corridors, head down, clutching a book to my chest, but as I pass every tapestry and portrait, I still hear his voice. I can hear our laughter, his jokes, everything he ever said to me in the places I pass. But worst of all I hear that word: "Mudblood."

I'm amazed, somehow, that I'm not leaving a trail of blood behind me from my lacerated heart. He was my friend, and I was willing to endure so much, just to stay that way. The pain of being betrayed isn't one that time can rub away. And it is a betrayal. For he told me that he saw me as different, and so would never describe me as "Mudblood."

Illogically, what hurts worst is that when we were younger, I used to hold him as I wiped away his tears, but nowadays, he never shows any sign of sorrow, never lets me see him cry. He used to tell me what was scaring him, because life is a scary journey. Now, he acts so tough, and worst of all? Because I'm still the one who used to walk hand-in-hand to the park with him, I know it's an act. I still poured my feelings out to him anyway, even when he didn't. Strangely, that's what hurts worst. I need him, my oldest friend, but he doesn't need me. That hurts worse than how he spat out "Mudblood."

In days gone by I used to admire his sharp wit, his ability to present a debate, and his slightly quirky view on life. He was never afraid to be different, and that captivated me. Now I realize that wit has become cold sarcasm, the love of debating has morphed into the refusal to lose an argument, and his world-view has become skewed and twisted beyond recognition. What I'm clinging to is someone he left behind years ago. I try to sleep, but every dream is haunted by his face, his voice, pushing me to the brink of despairing insanity with that insult: "Mudblood."

It's futile to tell myself, however, that the Sev I knew is gone. I may have been walking to class with someone resembling him, but it was not him. The Sev I knew, he would never call me that one unforgivable thing: "Mudblood."

It still echoes in my ears, a horrifying, heart-breaking mantra. The one thing he'd sworn not to say: "Mudblood."

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**TWQ: Aww... Lily, you'll be okay... You're going to marry Prongs!**

**Lily: You're pairing me... with a fork?**

**TWQ: (facepalms) No, James Potter. It's his Anima- Sirius, why did you kick my ankle?**

**Sirius: Never mind, just tell them about your account on AO3.**

**TWQ: Okay, fine. I have an account on AO3. All my new stories (except those from the now defunct review=oneshot system I had) will go there and not here. The reward stories will go there as well, but any new ones not written as rewards will not go up here. If I have promised you a oneshot, and either given it to you, or am still working on it, and you have an AO3 account, please tell me, so I can gift it to you there as well.**

**TheWarriorQueen**


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